Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
