it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
