Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
