I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
