No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
