Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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