I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
