Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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