Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
