But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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