True but thats because hes a fetus.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
