The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize