is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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