i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
