Already got asked if we're dating
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How external is "for external use only"?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
