Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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