Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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