Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
