sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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