i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
