thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
