He is an equal opportunity slut.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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