He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
