She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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