Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
