Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize