when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
