You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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