From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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