Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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