just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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