i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
