You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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