Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
