I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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