Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
