She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
