You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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