ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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