ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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