your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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