i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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