Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
