he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
