Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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