i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
