Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize