Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize