Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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