I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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