How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
