When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they need to just BURY HIM!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The uberlube is also flammable
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
