i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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