now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
