Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
