I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
