I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
