I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
