Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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