3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize