I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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