There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
