she woke up with a sticky ear
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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