but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
