I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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