I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
