I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
