Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
