dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
