i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
