and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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