I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
