Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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