I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
True college students do jello shots in the library
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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