We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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