i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
