Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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