What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
