Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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