the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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