I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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