You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
