apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
