Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I understand Curling. That high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
