She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
