I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
