I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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