If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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