Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
