dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
