and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
