Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
