I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
