Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
