at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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