Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
