I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
