So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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