I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
