I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
