If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
