You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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