I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
