there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize